Monday, January 19, 2009

It seemed they all wanted her to die.Part 3

Yes, they all wanted her to die,may be even myself.And she died.
The girl I mentioned in 2 of my earlier posts [November,December]died few days ago. Not seeing her come for review for last 2 months, I called the cell number I had obtained from Hospital records again.The person who answered immediately gave it to the girl's mother.
Why you are not bringing her to me?How is she? I asked in an accusing tone.
She is no more,died few days ago', was the matter of fact reply.
I was shocked.
' Did you take her to any doctor?'
'No, She was better with your medicines'.
'Did she die in a hospital or home?'
'She died at home'.
I held the line for a few seconds not knowing what to do.Then I disconnected.
Sense of depression engulfed me.And guilt.May be I should have been more pro-active.Should have telephoned that number more regularly and threatened them of action if they did not bring the girl to me.Or I should have asked one of my acquaintance in the District Positive network[an NGO of Positive ppl] to go and find out where she lived and try to interact with the family.
I hid an important fact in my first posting about that girl.The fact was her father died few years ago due to HIV/AIDS and she might have been a victim of incestuous relationship[.Her mother was negative.]This was one of the most important factor that made her family want her to die.For them her death means an end to their humiliating secret.
She was severely ill,with her CD 4 count 20[indicating very advanced AIDS] at the time of diagnosis.Still with proper care there was a 40/60 or on the pessimistic side 20/80 chance that she will recover.
But they never wanted her to recover.Should I blame them? For them she was a dirty stain on the family,someone they wanted to forget fast.
May be I should have been able to ask some NGOs to take her under their wings.Take her out of the house where she is not wanted.If she was an orphan I might have done that before discharge from the hospital.But she was not an Orphan.She had a mother,sister and brother, and Uncles.
I wish she was an Orphan.Then she might have survived.


sscribbles said...

Lurked from IHM's blog, glad I am here.

I don't know how to put it, but I guess, I am glad she died. For me, she died the day her father dared to abuse her. For me she died the day when her humilaition became known to her family yet they remained mute spectators. For me she died when her family never bothered to worry about her life-threatening disease. For me she found solitude in her death which this world never provided her.

CALpumper said...

As sad as it is, sscribbles is right.

I am so sorry you had to endure such an experience. I am more sorry the girl had to go through all of this.

There is solitude somewhere and if it had to be in her death, as sad as it is, then, I don't know. This is certainly a tough one.

Don't beat yourself up. You did what you could with the information you had.

Charakan said...

sscribles,welcome to the blog.She was a victim in many ways of her family's pride not HIV/AIDS.If I with help of some social organisation took her out of her home she might have had a chance.And she was only 17[not 21 as I changed the age to hide the real person].Was there really an incestous relationship?Mother denies it and claims she might have got it due to close contact.In medical literature there is only one or two instances of a close non sexual family contact spreading HIV.From the attitude of the family members I got a feeling that they suspect incest.I could never ask the girl because she was very sick by the time I first saw her.

Charakan said...

Calpumper,thank you for the comment.Still I feel she need not have died.If only she could have some how survived the severe mental and physical trauma for few months/years... time may help in healing.

Vally said...

I think you are right. She had every right to a life of dignity and she was denied that even in death. If only more people could come out in the open and reveal their HIV and HBsAg status,lives of such people would become more bearable.

Nimmy said...

hmm,indeed a sad and strange situation..But honestly speaking,i prfer th girl has life on this earth ended..How can she survive in an enviornment where she has no support after a trauma..

Is incest the only option on how she could have been infected..So sad...

Charakan said...

Nimmy, thank you for the comment. There is possibility of incest. I am not sure. Or some one else is responsible. Getting the virus thru non sexual close contact is a very rare possibility.
She had no support from her family. I realized it fully a little late. Otherwise I would have been more pro-active and she might have got needed medical care. Still she might have succumbed to AIDS, but not to Society's Stigma and Discrimination.

atticusfinch said...

Celebrities coming out in the open with their HIV, Hep. B or C status has helped those in other countries. In our country, people are scared to come out in the open and declare such truths. When we as a society can accept them as they are, it will help prevent spread of such diseases. Many medics and paramedics discriminate against these people, but at least if they can come to us and tell their woes,at least we can give them some hope. We Drs. should try to speak about these issues and debate about them. Even if the attitude of 1 dr. or layman can be changed, its worth the effort.

Seema said...

So Disturbing.. I have no words to express. We should all die of shame as a society.

Charakan said...

Yes,It was shameful and I feel I am also responsible.

Indian Home Maker said...

Don't feel guilty. Just feel angry, very, very angry.
We talk about our family values like such hypocrites. Imagine she must have known they didn't care, even before she contracted aids from such abuse. When we talk about loving our children we should say, but we love our social image more ...
I am disturbed. And she could have lived and maybe seen something like happiness in some orphanage, oh my God. And seventeen is old enough to know they didn't care. That knowing that someone wants you to do die, and knowing that they blamed her in a way for being abused, the abuse itself. I wish she had lived and seen some happiness also.

This is not helplessness as much as indifference.

But I am glad you blogged about it. We should know this horrible side of life also ... we know, but it doesn't hit until you hear this.

Charakan said...

IHM,Guilt I will feel always.I had the ability to make some change to her plight,but I believed the family,thought their intentions might be good [eventhough in the back of my mind i knew it was not} and did not want to make too much interference in their pvt life.
Incest I am not very sure.The entry of the virus must have been atleast 5 years before the death,may be more.

Paul said...

Wanted to mail you a long time ago. Ever since I read your post on the girl who died of aids. Never got down to doing it. I'm terribly sorry. May be I will someday be in the right frame of mind to do it.

Deepest regards.

Charakan said...

Paul, welcome to this Blog.Feel free to mail me at

Winnie the poohi said...

Came from IHM's blog..

You know what I feel disgust! Disgust that such a father and such a mother exist.. they pro create make kids and the kids suffer thus.. and I feel disgusted by such a society that hides and protects and abets such people!!

Indyeah said...

This was so heartbreaking to read

Charakan said...

Winnie,welcome here.Yes society and Parents are like that,but there is palpable changes coming though slowly.Let us work for that change

Charakan said...

Indyeah,Welcome here.Yes it was more heart breaking for me because I believed in the family.They are not cruel.They were just following the society norms.No one among them was brave enough to break free from it.